I had that dream again.
The one where I wake up to the sound of familiar voices coming from outside the bedroom door. The dream where I walk downstairs and as I glance around, I come to a gradual stop and my face is in disbelief at the sight of my mom and dad holding hands while all of my brothers are eating and laughing around the kitchen table. And suddenly everybody stops what they’re doing. And they stare at me quietly while I stand by the kitchen entrance. It’s the dream where I timidly walk up to my two older brothers. And I see them smiling. And I begin to apologize. But before the words come out, they put their arms around me and give me a hug. And their hug feels so real. And I start to cry uncontrollably. It’s the dream where I tell them that I love them. And I hug them tighter because I don’t want to let them go. It’s the one dream where they gently tell me that everything will be okay. And I cry some more because for once in my life, this burden doesn’t feel so heavy. For once and my life, I feel safe and not so alone.
But it’s the same dream where I suddenly wake up sweating. And it’s dark.
And I look around. And I’m all alone. And I feel so cold. And I start to cry.
And I ask myself, why can’t I stop crying?
Why do my dreams feel so much like nightmares?
I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope that this blog becomes a place of healing for you. I’ve not lost my siblings, but it feels that way sometimes. My brother and I used to be really close, and now we aren’t, and it breaks my heart.
Thanks for sharing this. I think dreams that are happy like this hurt all the more when we wake up and realize that’s not how it is anymore.
Thank you for your kind words. Yes, writing has been helping me make sense of certain things that have happened to me. I hope you and your brother are able to talk and reconnect.
This feels like raw emotion. That’s what art is. pure art.
keep up the good work!
I try my best to write as honest as possible.
I love you blog but for some reason I cannot seem to leave a “Like” on your posts…so I am telling you now that I like your blog and have included it in my own recommended blogs lost. I will be referring often to your writing and will undoubtedly receive a lot of inspiration for some of my own future posts from it.
I appreciate the fact that you took time to write a nice comment. Hopefully we can both inspire each other from our writings. I hope you have a wonderful day.
This is real and raw and truth at its finest, Continue to FEEL. You have so much for the world to experience. Thank you for opening your doors to let us all in.
Thank you. I struggle with what to do with all these feelings, but writing helps to let them all out.